Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
