So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
