I must be too annoying 4 u.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
