Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
