I think I won the penis lottery.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize