My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't deserve a penis
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
