I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
