what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
