I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize