so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
