i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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