omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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