i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
