Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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