At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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