We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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