This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize