I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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