Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
