remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
