I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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