i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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