I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
