i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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