I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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