If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
