I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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