I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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