I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hello my rib-scented angel!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize