Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
