I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
