I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
