That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
