ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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