Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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