A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
