some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
