Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
