Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
