We won't sleep together?
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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