Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
