I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
