ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
