I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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