grandma shit on top of the toilet
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
meet me or not, i'm out of control
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
