That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
