i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
