shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
