She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize