My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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