I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
