My hand turned me down
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
