is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize