our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
