Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
