honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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