My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
