last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Pants are for mortals
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
