well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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