Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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