Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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