Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
