I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
