I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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