Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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