jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
