dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
