Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Randomize
