so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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