can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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