Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
