I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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