Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
