Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
