Fuck appropriateness.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
