Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
