At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
