ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
