by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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