im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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