Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
