he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
