She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize