Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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