"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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