Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
