Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
be right there i have to get my cape
Randomize
