she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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