I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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