I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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