question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
