I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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