Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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