you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
