Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
